Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
