I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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