I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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