I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
