I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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