Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
