I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
