Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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