Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
