sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
