me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
