I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize