omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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