I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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