I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
