he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
