1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
