would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wear drunk well.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
