I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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