Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
