I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
