we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
