coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
