never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
