I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
