hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
