Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
