i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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