I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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