I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
