It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
