Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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