sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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