you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
