Rock
Scissors
Fuck
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
