you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
