i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
