After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
