shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
