WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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