I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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