I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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