I think my fart just growled at me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
