Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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