I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize