My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
