I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she smelled like a LAN party
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dicks are not precious.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
