What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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