Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize