"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
