Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He? As in you personified your dick?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
