Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
