Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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