Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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