Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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