He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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