I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
