Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize