Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
