I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
