somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
