Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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