apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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