remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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