I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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