Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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