he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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