watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
