I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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