around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
