how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
