did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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